Know it has been a longggg longgg time since I last posted and I have sort of gone through a metamorphisis over that period of time. I have come to realise that I need to stop dieting, FOREVER!! It only feeds my eating disorder (compulsive overeating and bulimia) and thanks to hypnoslim counselling I am now getting help.
Since my last blog entry I tried another stint (maybe even twice) at Weight Watchers. Why oh why did I keep going back to WW??? I don't know but I always felt that it was the healthiest way to go and it was always my fault that I didn't stick to it, nothing to do with the dieting merry go round that it continued to put me on. I did realise that when on a diet I started to binge eat again and become obsessed with food, weight, what I look like. I became a mad woman who hated myself more and more every day for not sticking to "the diet" or going over my points - whatever. I had a really low point at one stage cause I realised yet again that this was not working for me. Then I spent a fortune on Tony Ferguson shakes and was determined to stick to it as I was becoming a bit panicky at the thought of still being fat when I went on my cruise in February (this was about September). Of course, it made my ED (eating disorder) even worse yet again and was getting really depressed about the whole thing. WHY COULDN'T I LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!
Anyway, I lost practically NOTHING.... and realised I needed to change something. Dieting wasn't working for me anymore. I am 49 now and need to look at the long term picture and start to love myself. A girl a work told me about a counsellor who also does clinical hypnotherapy to work out WHY we eat and uses hypnotherapy to help heal yourself. Well my first visit was about 2 months ago (31st October) and I have not looked back........
I have been every fortnight since and have been hypnotised in every session. I realised that alot of my eating stems from my childhood and my father (now deceased).. What I like is that once we figure on an issue, I get hypnotised and go back in time to fix it (change the outcome) and then its forgotten, we move on. I don't dwell on it anymore. I know I haven't lost any weight yet (scales were thrown out after the first visit) but I feel so much better about myself. I am no longer panicked about being overweight on the cruise, I bought myself some nice clothes that I feel sexy in and my attitude has done a 360. I can look in the mirror and feel proud of myself and love myself, sooooooo goood to be like that rather than hate myself and put myself down left, right and centre.
I feel such relief in knowing that I never have to diet again, EVER and don't have to think about points, grams, carbs, fats, calories.... just eat food for the taste and whether or not it is what I feel like eating at the time. I love it. Why didn't I do this years ago..... Well, the answer to that is probably because I needed to go through what I went through to get to a low point before I would consider anything like this.
Anyway, shall keep everybody posted on how it goes.....
shaz
