Update

Know it has been a longggg longgg time since I last posted and I have sort of gone through a metamorphisis over that period of time. I have come to realise that I need to stop dieting, FOREVER!! It only feeds my eating disorder (compulsive overeating and bulimia) and thanks to hypnoslim counselling I am now getting help.

Since my last blog entry I tried another stint (maybe even twice) at Weight Watchers. Why oh why did I keep going back to WW??? I don't know but I always felt that it was the healthiest way to go and it was always my fault that I didn't stick to it, nothing to do with the dieting merry go round that it continued to put me on. I did realise that when on a diet I started to binge eat again and become obsessed with food, weight, what I look like. I became a mad woman who hated myself more and more every day for not sticking to "the diet" or going over my points - whatever. I had a really low point at one stage cause I realised yet again that this was not working for me. Then I spent a fortune on Tony Ferguson shakes and was determined to stick to it as I was becoming a bit panicky at the thought of still being fat when I went on my cruise in February (this was about September). Of course, it made my ED (eating disorder) even worse yet again and was getting really depressed about the whole thing. WHY COULDN'T I LOSE THE WEIGHT!!!!

Anyway, I lost practically NOTHING.... and realised I needed to change something. Dieting wasn't working for me anymore. I am 49 now and need to look at the long term picture and start to love myself. A girl a work told me about a counsellor who also does clinical hypnotherapy to work out WHY we eat and uses hypnotherapy to help heal yourself. Well my first visit was about 2 months ago (31st October) and I have not looked back........

I have been every fortnight since and have been hypnotised in every session. I realised that alot of my eating stems from my childhood and my father (now deceased).. What I like is that once we figure on an issue, I get hypnotised and go back in time to fix it (change the outcome) and then its forgotten, we move on. I don't dwell on it anymore. I know I haven't lost any weight yet (scales were thrown out after the first visit) but I feel so much better about myself. I am no longer panicked about being overweight on the cruise, I bought myself some nice clothes that I feel sexy in and my attitude has done a 360. I can look in the mirror and feel proud of myself and love myself, sooooooo goood to be like that rather than hate myself and put myself down left, right and centre.

I feel such relief in knowing that I never have to diet again, EVER and don't have to think about points, grams, carbs, fats, calories.... just eat food for the taste and whether or not it is what I feel like eating at the time. I love it. Why didn't I do this years ago..... Well, the answer to that is probably because I needed to go through what I went through to get to a low point before I would consider anything like this.

Anyway, shall keep everybody posted on how it goes.....

shaz

LOVING WW

Well up to week 5 and my total weightloss to date is 4.1kgs. Can't complain with that. I have worked out how long I have before my 50th in September 2010 and on the 13th March it was exactly 18 months away. I have calculated that I need to lose 2.3kgs a month (ie on the 13th of every month I want to be 2.3kgs lighter than the month before to stay on track) to get to my goal of 70kgs on my 50th birthday. I reckon that is doable and hopefully I can be ahead of schedule so when I do plateau in later months I have something to fall back on!

I also know in my head that I don't have any other chances now. This is it. If I don't stay with WW this time I know it is just gonna be too hard to still get to 50 and not fat. I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is gonna be it. I know it and I can feel it. I feel different somehow knowing that I can't give up in the hope of finding something better out there. I know weight watchers works, I know it and I have always known it. This is why I always go back to weight watchers. Why did I ever think I could try something else. Why, oh why>>>>>>

But another thing I aint gonna do this time and that is moan about my past. I remember making an oath to myself that the past is gone and forgotten. This is now. This is the present and I no longer think of the past and all my past weight watchers attempts, not to mention all the other damn diets and shakes that I have tried in the last 20 years. It is comforting to know that I will be sticking with weight watchers for the long haul. I have a totally different mindset - which is good and I can feel the difference.

So that is my weightloss to date and I am proud of myself for that. My husband is proud as well and I think he can see a difference in my attitude this time. He has told me all along to stay with one thing and that it might take a couple of years and not to expect it all in a month. Of course, I never listened to him what does he know he's been skinny his whole life and eats what he likes. But you know, he was right and I wished I had listened before. Well, I am listening now honey and here I come....

We will have been married for 27 years this month and I have booked a weekend away at the gorgeous cabin in the Dandenongs. Can't wait. Kids are old enough to stay on their own now (21 and 18) and I aint even gonna think about the parties that might be happening. Wow 27 years with the same man and I love him more than ever. I also feel he loves me just as much. We were meant for each other. I always felt that which is why we married so young. When you know you are meant to be together for ever then why hang off. That's what I reckon anyway and if I had my time again I will marry young (to only you though Wayne).

Anyway, the reason I have actually got the time to write in my blog is because I have had the last 2 days off work due to one side of my face aching. And I mean aching. Have made an appointment at the doctors tomorrow if it is still sore cause now I am getting a bit worried it might be something serious. I never get migraines and I never have sinus problems. I have been to the dentist with no problems so really don't know what it could be. My whole right side of my head and face just kills. Even my right eyeball. Aspro clear helps a little bit but it is still there and I can feel it.

Well will see tomorrow if it is any better.

Shaz

Yeee, long weekend

Feeling good about having an extra long weekend as I had Friday off (RDO) and will also have Monday Off (Pub Hol). Had my brother and his girlfriend over for dinner Friday night and as they are also doing WW, I tried to make the lowest point dinner ever. I think I actually managed it. Here's what I had:

Asparagus Dip with crudites (from Dazey Dee recipes) - 0 points
Asian Style Soup (from WW website) - 0 points
Chicken Lettuce thingies (from WW website) - 3 points
Curried Beef and steamed rice (WW book) - 6 points
Dessert from this month's WW mag with yoghurt - 3 points

So, I managed to have a 5 course meal for only 12 points and as I deliberately didn't eat much during the day I still was under points.

Mind you, it didn't help much with weigh in on Saturday cause I put on 200 grams. Can't understand why when I stayed under points all week and didn't use my bonus points either. Figuring it might be that I just had a heap of food from the night before in my stomach??? Don't know and don't care cause I know I had a great week food wise and I am determined not to let the scales get to me this time. It has always been my downfall in the past cause I just want to be perfect and lose the recommended half to one kilo a week and when I don't I feel like a failure. Well I am NOT going to do that this time. I figured had a kept going all the other times I joined WW and stopped cause I had put on weight for a week and didn't want to go and embarass myself at weighin, I would have been at my goal weight for the last damn 5 years by now. So, as I want this to be the very last time I go to WW, this time is going to be different.

Did I tell you I ripped up all my previous WW books and journals on the day I joined WW 2 weeks ago? Well I did, cause I don't want to think about the previous times I had joined and failed. As far as I am concerned I don't have a past of failing so I can't think "here I go again".....

Still, I have lost 2.4 kilos in 2 weeks so I am pleased with that.

Went to physio this week about my ankle and lump under my foot. He has given me exercises to do and said I have a heap of old scarring on my ankle that he is going to try and get ride of with his "laser". I just desperately want to go back to Fernwood cause it has now been over 2 months and I really need exercise. I am hoping within the next 2 weeks I will be able to get back into the swing of things. I miss Body Pump.....

Till next time,

Shaz

On Track

Well so far so good. Have been tracking for 2 days now and both days I have been below points. In fact yesterday after dinner I still had 10 points left which was good cause the rest of the family were having a Sara Lee Apple Crumble with cream. I looked up the points and boy it sure is high so I weighed out 100gms and counted that as 6 points. Then I looked up the points for Pura Thickened Cream and thought no way am I gonna waste 2 points on only 1 tablespoon of cream so luckily I had some custard in the fridge still so had half a cup of that for 1.5 points. Still went under points for the day and still stayed very satisfied. Quite happy with yesterday food wise.

Today, I had a bigger breaky than usual as I not only had cereal with milk, I added a banana (unheard of) and also had a wholemeal crumpet with WW jam on it. And I can honestly say I was not hungry again until lunchtime. Rest of the day worked out fine. I really don't mind looking up points values in my book and adding it to my journal - well so far anyway.

Because I know this is definitely the last damn time I am gonna try losing weight, I know I have to give it my all. I will be trying my hardest not to binge, not to overeat, and not to eat when I am not hungry. Oh yeh, I even took a cut up carrot and cucumber to work for arvo tea. My workmate asked me if I was for real and I said "sure am".

So that was my day. Can't wait till saturday to weigh......

Shaz

Joined Weight Watchers

Yes, it has been quite a few weeks since I have posted - and I admit I am a slackarse!! It is a little bit harder now that I am back at work but i bought a brand new laptop yesterday with a battery that actually works so I won't be stuck to the one powerpoint at home and I will be able to type up my daily post in bed if need be.....

Anyway, my last post crapped on about how great calorie king is, and yes I still think it is but after using it for a month (and losing and then putting back on) I decided that counting points is a whole lot damn easier. So,,,,, I have rejoined weight watchers yesterday (not gonna say how many times previously I have joined) and feel quite renewed and starting something totally new again.

At the get into my head that I am really starting new, I have ripped up and thrown out any previous diet books (ww included) and journals. I am no longer looking at the past and gonna look to the future from now on. I have always dwelled on how many times I have tried to lose weight in the past and think that I am still damn fat, which gets me to thinking that I will never lose weight and that starts me spiralling down a black hole! Well, this time it is different. WeightWatchers has a new program (Satisfaction) with all new books and stuff so as far as my mind is concerned - this is my first weight loss effort and it is gonna WORK....

Weighed in at 113.8kg and my first goal of 5% is to get to 108.2kg. That is doable and plan to get there by the end of a month (considering the first week is usually alot higher loss).

I am still paying for Fernwood so plan to go back there as soon as my ankle is better (rolled it over 6 weeks ago and it is still swollen and sore). I had my xray last week and know that it isn't broken - just inflamed still. Going to physio on Wednesday to see what he can do to help speed up the recovery. Now that I have joined WW I just want to start exercising as well.

My promise to myself is to stay tracking, keep exercising, and stick to this for the long term. All the other WW times, I last about 4 months and give up cause my weightloss slows down or stops and I hate going to get weighed if I haven't lost. This time I have spoken to the leader upfront and told her that is my history. She told me to look at this for life and not to get bogged down in the week to week weighins. She is damn right you know and I really, really know this is my last damn chance of health before I turn 50 (now only 19 months away) so I GOT TO STICK TO THIS....

Going Great

Let's just say I just love the Calorie King website. It makes things sooooo much easier doesn't it? It works out not only the calories but also anything else I feel the need to calculate, like fibre, fat, carbs, protein - you name it! And all at the click of a button - just great.
Went to my brother's for dinner last night, as him and his girlfriend are following Weight Watchers at the moment and decided to do a WW dinner. It was okay cause as everything was very healthy and low fat I was easily able to add my calories into Calorie King when I got home. Anyway, even going out to dinner and drinking 2 glasses of wine I still was under my calorie allocation of 1710 for the day - how exciting is that! Normally, if I went out for dinner (whether to a friends or restaurant) that would have been the end of my diet for the day cause I would have eaten crap. We were big on the dips, chips, wine, cheese sort of dinners but last night the meal was as follows:
Zucchini Soup (no cream) with small wholemeal dinner roll (no butter)Thai Prawn Salad (absolutely the best)Crumbed chicken strips (no oil used) with roastsed (canola spray) mixed vegiesFresh Fruit platter (watermelon, pineapple, strawberries, grapes and cherries)
Probably doesn't look very appetizing cause there was no cream, no oil, no butter but believe me I was pleasantly surprised and how tasty and filling the whole meal was. I have now vowed to have them back to my place and try the same thing.
Thanks to Calorie King I can stay on top of everything and I have now just realised I can print out each day's diary which gives you a quick rundown on what your totals have been for the day and the end result (ie whether calories were under or over and how much by!!)
So anyway, my week so far (and it has only been 4 days) has been really good and I have stayed under my calorie allowance EVERY day (one day by 294) so am looking forward to my first weighin next Wednesday morning (fingers crossed).
I'm excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Start

Well I have a new blog name (new year, new me) as I am starting (again) this weight loss journey. It is yet closer again to that dreaded 50 (Sep 2010) so I know that this time has to be the VERY last time if I am to be 50 and at goal. I did this when I stopped smoking as I was not going to be 40 and a smoker and here I am 10 years later and still not smoking. I therefore can't see the difference here and intend to make this the weightloss effort that works, once and for all.

I have thought long and hard about what I need to do and rather than do a specific diet like that tells me what to eat and what not to eat, I am going to take all the experience of dieting in the last 20 years and take the good and chuck out the bad. I do know that dieting does make you fat - hey look at me, a prime example cause I am now 30 kilos heavier than when I started dieting 20 years ago. My weight has just gone up and up and up even though I start 3-4 diets every single year. The money I have spent I don't even want to think about - my husband would have a coronary if he knew. We could have had 3 world trips I reckon on the money I have spent on diets, diet books, gym memberships (that stopped after 3 months), on diet foot. The lists is endless and what I would like to know is why the hell am I now fatter. Obviously, dieting doesn't work but then on the other hand I have also tried the "no dieting" diet and still ended up heavier than when I started.

Soooo,,,, I know what I should eat and what I shouldn't eat. I am going to concentrate on healthier options for example have a pizza with no cheese instead of with cheese, drink water instead of diet coke, grain breads instead of white with the biggest thing I really know I need to do and that is to reduce my portion sizes. I need to stop eating before I am stuffed and also start (slowly) to exercise (which I hate with a vengence by the way!).

So here goes everybody, today is day one (22nd Jan) and I hope to keep this blog up to date whether it be good or bad news.

Shaz